Searching for Butterflys

I gave up looking for my old M. Butterfly program; whether lost in transit or consigned to the dusty shelves of what passes for my Theatre archive I don't know, so I concentrated on the Google search instead.

I found Luoyong Wang fairly easily; I managed to locate a bio page from a production of Miss Saigon; I took a wild shot in the dark on the spelling of Ding Mei Kuei and lo and behold--I found him. At least I think I found him; I think he's the Producing Director of the Qi Shu Fang Opera Company in New York and his wife (whose name is Qi Shufang) still the star. I think it's his wife but it's hard to tell under the traditional Chinese mask of pink foundation and eye makeup and besides the last time I saw her in costume I think she was blue.........

I have an email address, I've copied it, it sits on the desktop of my computer with the address on it and nothing typed into the letter field. I find myself strangely hesitant to write anything, oddly scared to send it and don't quite understand why I feel such strong emotion wash me when I examine this blank note with Ding's name on it. I did not expect this.

When I was 8 or 9 years old I wrote to a young boy in Korea--I don't remember how this correspondence began but we wrote each other many times and I remember one day getting a note from him which included a very well drawn pencil sketch of an American Indian chief with the full headdress of Eagle feathers, remember quite distinctly my admiration of it and a vague jealousy. I think I stopped writing shortly after that and on the odd occasion that I do remember I also regret that I never continued, regret as well losing touch with these very special persons from M. Butterfly, my only excuse being a busy life and a continents distance from each other.

And I don't quite understand why, that though I have this regret at losing contact, I have as well a fear of reopening it. Perhaps it's a fear of change -- will they still be the same? Am I still the same?

The Google search for Man Wong was not fruitful, or maybe overly so: do you have any idea how many Man Wongs there are? He is legion.

I shall have to ask Ding as to his whereabouts.